Christmas and stuff..

What is Christmas? The birth of our savior foremost. Of course we know that it is not the actual day he was born, but its the day we celebrate. I remember many Christmas Eves from childhood. Some good some not so good. It seemed back then it was all about Santa. Little creepy now to think about someone watching you, "he knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you are awake". Today we would get a restraining order for our "stalker". I mean its just not right, right? I prefer to believe in the spirit or idea of Santa. Someone who cares enough to leave you presents for no particular reason, seems like a pretty nice guy to me. I think he and Jesus would get along if he was real. I remember we always got to open one present on Christmas Eve. We always hoped we would not pick the box with clothes in it, LOL! So many times when we were kids, Christmas was a toss up and confusing. Some times it was warm and full of laughter, and some times it was just ok. As I have grown up there is not one particular Christmas that sticks out from childhood but there are plenty that do as an adult. For example, my daughter's first Christmas and all the ones that followed. Since Chad has been sick, I tend to look at things a little differently, and though I have always thought its definitely way cooler to give...instead of receive, it seems to be more important than ever. We can't live in the past, its ok to visit it now and then, but if we carry tragedy with from the past with us, it then has the power to define us. Yes, there were definitely crappy Christmas' from a kids point of view. Times when there were not many presents under the tree. But, we were together.

Today

I often smirk when i write. I do get amusement from what i do sometimes. Well most times. My big dog George, gigantor the juju bear, has been eating everything! I have not been at home as much as i have liked so maybe he is seeking his revenge. I think he needs puppy prozak. The great debate is spiralling in my mind. I now have a confirmed diagnosis as Dr. K would say about my disease. He also kinda said it would be good for me to go to the Mayo clinic in Minnesota because they have actual specialized Dr.s in th field. The trip is going to be in the middle of winter in Rochester Mn. with an average of 11 in. yes 11 in. of snow in that month. They often already have 48 in. on the ground. I researched it. But, outside of the weather why should i travel and spend so much money to travel when my Neurologists has given a confirmed diagnosis. I hate it when i repeat words. I have to be there for up to a week. What about the dogs, Tanner, basketball? Cheryl says yes, i know i am repeating myself maybe the ycan give us some more insight, answers, something. Right now i think its a waste of time. But what do i know?If you read this let me get your opinions. I am in search of an outside opinion.

WOOOHOOO!!!

Turkey Day!!! Who doesn't love it? Long road trips, over crowded transportation, the stench of someones lack of personal hygeine. Over eating over staying! Now when given any one holiday to choose why is it turkey day rated either at the top or close too it? One could speculate. Given the amount of sports on the tele. staying home could become an honest decision to determine as acceptable. I come from a family that is close mainly on holidays more so on the BIG ones but getting closer as we grow older. Speculate again. I was thoroughly excited to see my son Joel and my sis and her hubby and daughter, cousin it. We will get to why i call her that later. We had a great visit all of us, the typical growns of everyday, but in all its good to have my family around me. I'll give a shout out to all of family whom i do care for them dearly and wish all of them love and happiness.
Yesterday i visited my neurologist Dr. K. He is a man dedicated to his profession but takes some time to lets say warm up too. I, am usually, happy go lucky easy to get along with, just dont cross the line. This being my 4th or 5th visit with him i think we have gotten to the bottom of my illness or a Confirmed, as he said diagnosis.
y REM sleep disorder along with sleep apnea, the dreams, the parkinsons, diskynesia, broadend gait, hallucinations, mood swings, white matter changes and some i just dont remember "cinches" the diagnosis according to Dr. K. People with my disease do live for up to 7 years after the diagnosis, but for me the question is how long did i go un-diagnosed? Nobody knows. My wonderful wife wants someone to say i am all better or i am not going to die. Facts are facts, we are all going to die, we just do not want anyone to tell us there is an actual time frame for which this is going to happen. I dont want to do, knowingly, however i dont want to die in pain. Food for thought. WOOOHOOO!!!!

Yeah!!!!

My big sis naa naa stopped by with her daughter Tayler. It was a short visit but a very welcome one. My sis Robbie and her hubby and daughter cousin IT! are coming for turkey day! Yeah!!!!! They are going to stop and pick up Joel on there way. It will be a very nice time. I am excited.

Hey there Hootie Owl, you got your ears on?

What?? Is that English? Who is Hootie Owl? LOL! Well, Hootie Owl is Chad. When we were little and living in California, we were in a CB Radio club for awhile. I will speculate that I was in 4th grade. That would make Misti in 6th and Chad in 1st or 2nd. This was of course before cell phones and the internet. Imagine, people actually communicated via talking on a "house phone" OR face to face. Unheard of right?! Also there was the really exciting CB radio. My Barbie corvette had a CB Radio in it. If Barbie had one it was cool..... CB Radio was how truckers communicated, how the police communicated, and how kids who wanted to be in the club communicated. One of the interesting things about it was that everyone had a handle. Misti was Curly Q- cuz the had curly hair. I was Strawberry Girl- cuz I had strawberry blonde hair(that's what they told me anyway) and Chad was Hootie Owl- cuz-.........well no one seems to really remember why. I asked Mom, Misti and Chad and also racked my own brain. I got nothing. Other than Give a Hoot Dont Pollute being a commercial of the day we cannot figure out why Chad chose that handle. It doesn't really matter of course but leads us to a fun mystery of sorts. Maybe he just liked owls....lol! This doesn't seem to be a mystery we will ever solve, it is kinda of fun to remember Roll Call- and hearing things like "hey there Hootie Owl, you got your ears on"? For all you non CB folk, that means "are you there?".

Absent for Awhile

I have not been writing for awhile. I ask myself why not. I have been having problems with my vision which I have been trying to ignore. I need to get it checked. I get headaches a lot especially at the computer. By the way my job is sitting at a computer most of the day. Sometimes its just easier to ignore things. Or is it. Ignoring it isn't going to make the problem I am having any better. Only action and an eye doctor can do that. Ignoring things hasn't really worked out for me my whole life, I am trying to grow and improve on that but sometimes I fall back into old comfortable patterns. I read a quote that I share with some colleagues, I can't remember exactly who said it but it speaks volumes. "We must become the change we want to see". OUCH! You mean there is no easy way for my eyes to get better, for my vision to be 20/20 again. That is so not fair, right? Who is with me? Wait, I'm not with me either. Change is inevitable. What sets us apart is how we handle it. Who we turn to during it, and what we do after it is over.

Life

I wonder why these days so many fancy words or phrases are used in health care. example Quality of life. Ok i am not too worried by any other one than this right now. Who has been given the right or privilege to decide such things? Insurance companies want expiration dates??!!!!!!! Really???!!!!! You do not qualify for certain monies or programs if your loved one doesn't have an expiration date. I am serious!!! It is written in their fancy fine print something to the affect, a determinable amount of time of EXPIRATION, or end of life and or death may lead to delays in the processing of certain monies to them or their spouses. I am not putting that in quotes because it is not worth my time or effort in thinking someone had the ..... lets say guts to say that without losing a day of sleep. I who write this by law in my companies procedures claim to have more power than God and have no conscience as to this and will never personally have to deal with any form of tragedy especially death or illness. As to my interpretation to this is simple. What??????? Why does anyone want someone have to give anyone an EXPERIATION date????? Life??? Who gave anyone the responsibility or right to determine MY Quality of life? How do you know my life????? Oh, i forgot the new goevernment health care reform will make it all better. I have no qualms with our president, just our governments inablity to make itself better wants to make My life better!!

Time

With my free time i dont do alot. I have found some what of a way to give at the school my son attends. I have only run into a few people who are.....lets say difficult. I helped with the football team and now help with my favorite pastime or sport, basketball. It gives me such great pleasure knowing i can still give in some way. Last years coach was let go and this years coach whom ive known is a great person. I watch listen and learnn how he wants to do things, how he wants his kids to perform, what he expects. I fill in with either encouragment or motivation. Coach comes to me for advice and even direction at times. I dont pretend to know more than anyone or try to change anyones direction. we all experience through trial and error, if i can give by only sharing my experience than i am happy. The youth of today is......... confused. they are torn and directed by the media sometimes more than there parents. Some, dont even get it from their parents. I wonder by even comparing my childhood to today what happend? Todays world wants everything given to them and not by earning it but just because. Todays children boys and girls lack respect for everyone. Who gave up? Who started this? I remember my days coaching with my brother Kevin. We had great days and bad. I miss them, I miss him, I miss making a difference. I hope i still can do both. I guess Time will only know. And God of course

WOW!

I read Chad's story and I can't help but feel sad, angry, and a little bit of irony. I have struggled with many things in my life but this has most definitly be the one that tests the very foundation of my faith. Faith in God, faith in man, all of it. How can people treat each other that way. The way they did at the hospital that day. Then I think about the good stuff I have witnessed. About people reaching out to each other. How can both things be true? Its an age old question. We have to take the good with the bad right? Its free will and all that. We chose how we will be every day. We choose how we will treat others, how we will act, our attitudes for all that is worth. I try to choose what is right and sometimes I fail. We all fail. But people in a service to others, arent they supposed to be above the choice? Already decided for them when they choose to be a doctor, or a nurse or what ever. Maybe my standards are too high.

Emergency!

I went to the emergency room due to a high fever and the loss of my cognitive reflexes. Cognitive, thats a funny word. Let me look that one up, its an adjective, of cognition, the process of knowing in the broadest sense including perception, memory and judgement. Or, the defintion of my disease. Anyway, i am not allowed to get sick in any way, my symptoms will be ten fold of an ordinary situation i mean person. I was received in the E.R. by an overworked and assumidly an underpaid medical professional who literally screamed she hated her job and the place she worked. The place she worked is a newly built state of the art facility that practically runs itself. People hate change and hate the fact their raise was frozen for the purchase of a new M.R. I machine. Now i do not on any level expect flowers or dinner from any one in the field of medicine, BUT!!! i capitilized that for effect. I wonder where the compassion went???? We all have had JOBS, maybe we still do, but i dont change oil for a living and expect white hand towels in the wash room. I dont flip bugers and not expect to smell like a grease wagon when i go home. I, am a self proclaimed carpenter. I enjoyed it, i loathed it, i knew what to expect from it. Once we find our place in life and, we are not where we expected to be, what happens? I dont know. I do know that in general ,the publics in-ability to show compassion or graditude towards anything, has gone. We are a doomed society, armageddon? end of the world? perhaps not, but the end of things is inevitable. The end of things, from stone carvings to computers. The end of things. My E.R. visit included a seizure a mechanical bed with an alarm every time i farted, to another set of medical professionals who would rather complain about what dressing to put on their salad than answer another beckon from an ailing human being. I was bombarded by anitbiotics and saline, the ned. I am well again, for noe. It is getting very difficult for me to type fluidly, i do not know what to expect from my body tomorow, but a famous quote runs through my veins almost daily, "My disease can take my body, it can take my mind, but it can not take my soul". I will not give in to hatred ,greed, or anger.

Today

I like to tile my postings as "Today" because thats what it is for me. My wife unknowingly or un admitadly gives me little quizzes, do you remember she asks? or what movie was that actor in? I know that playing fantasy football with the fam is very exciting, yes i still enjoy hearing my sisters cry!!! ha! My son is also playing, but he is in that time of life that lives for the "in the moment". His competitive spirit lies behind, how many texts can i send in an hour, or minute. He knows i am only playing with him. But, the truth to the matter is, think about it, Fantasy football? When we were kids, our fantasy games outside in the old baseball field! I was Roger Staubach, or you were Mean Joe Green. You wanted to tackle the crap out of me! I wanted to throw that last second touchdown. Now? Well now is relegated to, let me stay logged on to Fantasy football and check it every ten minutes to see if my team is beating yours! Ugh! All kids not just mine are subject to it, different times. Changing times. I hear every one use this fancy word, cyclical. Everything is cyclical. I hope my child gets to hear his children clammering for the back door grabbing their dirty mud stained shoes screaming i want to be quatetback as the door slams behind them. And then silence. Not of an empty house but a group of children outside silently gathering information on the group in front of them as to which kid will be picked first and the one that will be picked last. Cyclical? No, good ole fashioned FUN!!!

The Breaths We Take.

I was driving down the road the other day and heard a song by George Strait. He sang about what we might find important in this life. He sang about the race that is life. I could not help but remember racing with Misti and Chad. We raced a lot. On our bikes, by foot, skates, to home base during tag. It was very importat to be first. To finish the race ahead of the others. The song on the radio had a slighty different take on it. I found the song to be very moving. Here is the chorus:

Life's not the breaths you take

The breathing in and out

That gets you through the day

Aint what its all about

Ya just might miss the point

Tryin' to win the race

Lifes not the breaths you take

But the moments that take your breath away

Our grandmother, our father's mother, just passed away We didnt really know her. I thought of this song as I sat at her funeral. How did the race take me so far away that I didnt even know my own grandma? How did I miss the point? I still dont really know my father. Will the same thing happen? Have I spent so much time focusing on my own hurt feelings, my own selfish desires that I have let moments that could take my breath away, get away? I dont know the answers to these questions and I may never figure it out. But I hope and pray that I am able to see more moments than I miss and that I give the racing a little break.

Family

it was an absolutly fun time with the family, even if it was in part. If i could touch the world with one hand and hold my family in the other, life would be grand. It is so hard for me to write sometimes i don't want to focus on any negative things anymore, but my days are tough. between the unknown of my illness and the distance of my loved ones. My wife and son have stood up to my disease and i would not be able to do it without them. I am not leaving out my sisters or brothers, we know we have a bond even if it not spoken as often as we would like. I am as guilty as anyone when it comes to comunicating. We all know life if too short, lets not wait until we find out the hard the way.

Free Falling

On a recent trip to Tennesee, a family was reunited. Or at least part of it. It was awesome to see Misti and Ryley and Chad, Cheryl and Tanner. We laughed and played and ate, ate a lot..lol! On this one particular day, the day we were to leave, Tanner unfortunately had school. The rest of us went out for pancakes. That was the plan, pancakes for lunch. Strangely enough the IHOP was closed. That was funny. A restaurant closed in the middle of the day? Anyway, back in the car we went, in search of pancakes. Then somewhere in there a song came on the radio. Tom Petty's 'Free Falling'. I do not know all the words of course, but the chorus is easy enough..."cuz I'm free, free falling". In the back seat Misti, Kevin and I starting to sing it. Ryley too, I taught her the words. Then hey wait a minute, Chad and Cheryl, come on now. join in. So they did. There we were, driving down the street, singing, and we were free falling together. What an image, what an idea. In way since Chad got sick, that's what we've all been doing. Free falling, hoping NOT to hit the ground. But I realized, the fall was much easier, when were together. Life, Love, the pursuit of "things"...its all a free fall. Hang on, its going to be a bumpy ride, so why not free fall with the people you love and that love you.

Another one bites the dust

We are all together and went out to enjoy what turned out to be a fabulous dinner at an italian restaurant. we all ate way too much and loved every minute of it. As the food coma took over our bodies our ability to think clearly and the will to stand up, it happend. I think most people can either nap it off or something, but not me. as i start to learn the warning signs of empending drool, i still sometimes can't recall the activities prior. This time i did. It might have been the sensory overload due to the trip down memory lane of all the wonderful pictures Robyn has managed to conjure up, maybe the food, maybe exhaustion from the happy stress of us three oldest being together. My sentences become slurred as a sixty year hobo looking another score. My twitches return and of course my aches and pains. I then remember sitting back listening to coined phrases from a fun game we got intoduced to in Ohio when we visited Roby and K man and J. I actually understood what was being said and managed to slide somewhat coherintly an answer or two. I thank God for the ability to enjoy this time with my two older sises. In my mind, Another one bites the dust.

The Real Stretch Armstrong Story

Ok, ok. Now I'm not sure there ever really was a Stretch Armstrong........hehehe. Nah, there was one. Yep, me and and my sissy got a old of that thing and we were stretching it to China. Only because we thought it would. Our intent was not to break it, but when we did, it was something different now. Maybe a science experiment at this point because that stuff that was oozing out was the coolest. I wanted to check it out more. I'd like to think that if I had to do it all over again that I wouldn't, but knowing me and by sibs....we probably would do it over again. But only because we loved each so much.....whew whoo.....

Fantasy Football

Soooo I've only played Fantasy Football one time, and we are getting ready to play again. The first time was with my husband and daughter. You might say the competition was FIERCE!NOT! It was a lot of fun. I realized long ago that I have a secret competitive nature. I'm sure that will come as a complete shock to those who know and love me. OK maybe not so secret LOL! So I am going to play Fantasy Football with Chad and co. It takes me back to play time when we were kids. None of us like to lose, we never have. When we lost we got mad, we stormed off, we didn't want to play anymore. There was nothing more important than winning. It was exceptionally hard when it was two against one. A game that Misti, Chad and I were too good at. We never really fought one on one. It was Chad and Misti against me, or Chad and Me against Misti, or Misti and me against Chad. We had it down to a fine art. I'm not sure our mom would agree. We spent many a time in the corner, or in our room. It was time to think about what we had done. Sometimes there was blood sometimes not. As I remember those fights and the time we spent bugging each other, I smile. Were we really that crazy, were we really that intense? The answer of course is yes. Now this time, as we play Fantasy Football, I predict there will be no blood. There will be trash talk however and inevitably whoever wins will never let the others forget, but I think we have learned what is really important. You know that old saying, its not whether you win or lose, but how you play the game.

Take the good with the bad

We have to come to the realization that the bad days out weigh the good by.... let's say ALOT!!! Last night i felt on top of the world, sharp as a tack! It felt so good. I could add, subtract, even tell stories of the day. Then, well then i went to bed. And that's all i remember. Lying, slurring shaking on the couch and its all over. The good day that is. Not being able to recall how i got there and falling over in a heap only to have my wife poised to calll 911. My legs were crooked under me and i did not have the strength to straighten them. The pain was intense, i thin k it actually made me regain some awareness, enough to tell her not to make the call. For all of you reading when i tell my stories of these episodes, most of it comes from Cheryl telling me what happend. If you have gotten lost on a trip in a new city or trying to find something, its kinda like that except you never leave your house. The frustration and anxiety, that is in my case is so overwhelming, i want to scream, then i cant. Not that i cant because i dont want to upset anyone, its just cuz i cant. I dont know how all of the sudden. A simple step over a curb becomes a mathmatical nightmare, y X z = i have to figure out which part goes first. Right leg left leg???? The good news is i had a good day. I hope tomorrow is good one..

Happy Halloween!

This was a Halloween a long time ago. I remember bits and pieces. Like I remember thinking Misti's costume was better than mine. I remember standing in front of the hutch and smiling for Mamaw. Her favorite place to take pictures was in front of the hutch. I remember Halloween was a lot different back then. Aren't we cute?

Trips

I cant express the joy i feel when i read Robyns posts of that trip and others. I'll get back to that in a moment. I was sittting on the throne this morning and had a thought. No really i did. When i go to bed at night i usually do not have a problem falling asleep, exhaustion has something to do with it. Anyway, as my thoughts race and my heart thumps in the early morning hours after being awaken from a nightmare not dreams but nightmares. I wonder if my body will respond in a manner that resembles funtional. My thought was this, its like yahtzee. You get to roll the dice to see if you can get an acceptable outcome. Full house, three of a kind, etc. But i hope and pray for the yahtzee, no more shaking, wobbling, slurred speech and so on. I have only had one GOOD day this week, YAHTZEE! Depression unfortunatly is a common thread in every day. I am sure there is a formula for how many times in a game you will roll a Yahtzee. It seems i feel less and less every day, meaning, i know when to laugh, when to cry, but i just feel so sperated from my feelings i cant stand it. Anger is the front runner in my game of Yhatzee. Accepting my outcome of my roll of the dice is a giant hurdle for me. Getting back to the trip to fat mans squeeze, i remember the trip but will deny aggrivating mamaw, NOT, i am sure i was, just a little.

Fat Man's Squeeze is now called what...?

When I was 18 and Chad was 16 we went on vacation with our grandparents, Mamaw and Poppie. It was a 2 week journey from Ohio to Florida with many stops on the way. One such stop was Rock City, atop Lookout Mountain, GA. At the very top was Lover's Leap where you can stand and see 5 different states. I remember it was windy and cold, it was February on top of a mountain. Chad and I made the best of it though. We did recently survive Ruby Caverns where for some reason the tour guide thought we were married because we said we were Chad and Robyn Smith (oooooh nooo HE DIDNT) LOL! It was an interesting place with many different types of rock formations. One such formation was called Fat Man's Squeeze....now they call it the Needle's Eye(politically correct and all that). It was a formation that narrowed as you passed thru it. You kinda had to "squeeze" through at the end. Chad and I both went thru it and tried to get Mamaw to follow. Now at the time Mamaw was a little bit too big to actually fit and soooo it probably wasnt a good idea. Now I cannot remember if she actually tried it or not but the idea was very funny to us. Mamaw would sometimes be a little dramatic about things. In fact when we went out on the famous rope bridge, she was convinced we would plummet to our deaths. Now this idea was silly as the bridge was solid, but Chad never the less found it necessary to jump up and down on the bridge to "prove" it was safe. Maybe to torment Mamaw just a little. I heard a lot of "Oh Bernie" on that trip most of them probably that day.

Today

I have not been up for writing much these days. I have been trying to rest during the day to saved energy for football practice. Let me just say that Coach has been so great! I am not bragging its not my style but i have been giving all i can at practice. I am on this new type of meds for my dementia, Alzheimer's whatever it is. No pun intended but its just giving me more headaches. I feel more tired and un interested in stuff. I know through direction from my wife and everyone that i have to fight depression but its not alone in my every day activities. My Vivid hallucinations are very real and often frightening. I feel something hovering over me, almost like i am being watched. If i stay active i am usually OK, but things jump out at me at times. Cheryl says my dreaming has become more intense like crying and thrashing around. I know i will have good and bad days, so i have to roll with it. I am just happy to have another day, Today.

Memories are like life

There are so many memories racing thru my mind right now. I want to get them all down but that seems impossible. I realize I just need to take it one step at a time. Life is like that. One step at a time. Life like memories is sometimes like a gentle breeze that caresses you check on a cool summer night. You like it, and you want it to keep blowing so things don't get to hot. Then again, sometimes memories, like life, hit you like a tsunami. You never really see it coming and you can't really stop it, you have to roll with it or be sucked under. I have always tried to live by the rule that your attitude is everything. I believe in everything we have a choice. We may not like the choices but it is always there. So, we choose our attitiude. We choose how we are going to start our day. When we were kids, things seemed to be so much simpler. We played cowboys and indians, war, and my personal favorite, house. (even if Misti made me be a boy, lol!) We stayed out after dark to play hide and go seek, (with permission of course Mom). There was freeze tag, Red Light, Green Light, and Red Rover. Everyone knew the rules without actually saying them. One of us was always it, there were no tag backs, and if you got creamed in Red Rover, you just got creamed. Now days you have to watch out that no one gets their feelings hurt or heaven forbid, a boo boo. Lets face it, in a game of Red Rover, someone always gets hurt, lol! Realisticly, life is like that. We are going to get hurt, we are going to fall down, we are going to be "it" because someone can run faster than we can. But if we choose, we can make the best of what we have. We can choose to love, laugh, and play. That way whatever comes our way, the gentle breezes and the tsunamis we will be as ready as we can be.

God never promised us life would be easy, only that we would never be alone.

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UGH!!

Today was another visit to my final and last neurologist. i won't say his name for fear of unecessary hoopla. Anyway, let me just say that i am sure being a doctor and a specialist has got to be a very taxing profession. Most SPECIALSITS, that i have dealt with have a bed side manner of a PIT BULL. Has any one seen Patch Adams???lol. C'mon guys and gals for that matter, if you hate your job, quit. This guy i saw today is suppose to be the premier specialist dealing with my type of illnes. If anyone reading this knows me, you know that i like to joke, cut up, mess around. This guy was having none of it. I respect professionalism, but it is not necessary to look down upon your patients. Or, treat them like cattle. I am so tired of it. And that is all i have to say about that. He confirmed my diagnosis of LBD. He is giving me some tests to help with my treatment options. I was not sure what to expect from appointment today, maybe i expected too much, like the pearly gates of wisdom and information to open up and give us some hope. Actually HOPE is good, sometimes that is all we have. But, if i could, i would reach out to each and every specialist just like Patch Adams did and give them the hope and desire to provide more than just a diagnosis. My dog George makes me smile, i want to be just like him, putting smiles on all of those faces.

Wow!!

Where in the world did you find those pics??? Those are amazing!! I love them. We have learned that my mood swings are far more intense when i am tired. Par for the course. Last night was not a good one. I can't explain the pain, it's all over it's overwhelming at times. I guess i knew it would happen after all of the activity i put myself through last week. Next week will be no different. But i am telling you it is much more better than just sitting around on my duff. I will tell you why. There is this one kid, i have to leave his name out because he is a minor, he has been a friend of T-mans for going on two years, he was sitting in the back of the truck after a practice, and i was complimenting them on their performance and discussing things i think they should work on, and he turned to me and said, "I wish you were my dad." His father is not in the picture. I read somewhere that if you can make a positive difference in just one persons life, than your life has been fulfilled. I feel that i need to make of a difference in more peoples lives, but for now i am overcome with happiness.

Pictures....

I was looking at old pictures today. Thinking of all my sibs and how we are all grown up with families now. WOW! Sometimes hard to believe. I remember fights, laughter, pain, joy, all of it. Some would be nice to forget...Some I never want to forget. I looked at a lot of pictures, and I do mean a lot. Pictures capture a moment in time. It freezes it for all to see. A flash, a drop, a hint of the love shared, of the fun. Its almost magical.

Today

Yesterday was a huge day for me. I'll abbreviate it because it's easier for me. I was not sure after my days now weeks of being sick i would be able to return to an every day routine. I was particularly worried i would not be able to return to help coach Tanners football team. I sat down with Coach and we talked in detail about my illness. He expressed concern and wanted me to return in what ever capacity i was able to. I am so excited to be able to continue to contribute. Being on the field and around all of the kids is very exciting and enjoyable to me. It clears my mind for some time and i can actually live. It may sound corny or whatever, but it is good therapy for my mind. Today i am exhausted. But yesterday was worth it.

It was my FAVORITE!!!

The story is quite more simple than that with the stretch arm strong. My two older sisters wished to torment me in every way so they stretched my Stretch arm strong so it would break!!!! They knew it wouldn't live upto its standards!!!! They wanted to see me cry!!!! And, i did. Alot, and even more than alot. I was sad. And thats how i remember it. They were just meanies!!!! (actual memeories of aformentioned event are not acurate and subject to interpretation. It was thirty some years ago!!) However, i still hold them responsible. giggle giggle!

Stretch Armstrong ....the truth?

Sooooo there was this one time that Chad got a Stretch Armstrong for Christmas. It was this stretchy "body" builder guy with a hard plastic head. The idea of course was you could stretch him and he would bounce back into the same shape he was in before you stretched him. The commercials were so awesome and they showed these two kids stretching him long ways across a bed. Maybe you can see where this is going...Misti and I decided to recreate the commercial. We were going to give him a good strectch across Chad's bed to see if it was true. Of course we didnt really care that the bed on the commercial was smaller than Chad's. LOL! We stretched him as far as we could while Chad yelled for us to give it back. Suddenly and without warning, his stomach exploded! Imagine the movie Alien when the Alien pops out of the guys stomach. Out pops this red ooozy gel stuff. It was cool! We were kids, what do you expect. We played with the gel like substance until it hardened. Chad was devasted. I am sure we felt bad, maybe a little bad?! Right?!?

Energy

Today we woke up from our trip from visiting my wonderful sister, Robyn, her husband Kevin and the ever so maturing daughter of theirs Jaye. We are tired. the 5 to 6 hour trip has pain stakingly become longer by two or more hours because of my illness and the fact we drug our two dogs mac and george. We'll get to them later. I could say so many good things from our trip but there is not enough time in the day. We have not been as close distance ways because of jobs and stuff. We have needed this time for quite awhile. the first day we got there is kinda a blur,, i was having an episode of the shakes, dizziness, and my favorite vomiting. The word of the day is when someone becomes highly stressed or overwhelmed the symptoms become worse or intesify. My emotions were in over drive! My lovely wife also thinks i have an ulcer. Puking up blood might be an indication but i am still the skeptic. We also had the opportunity to visit our oldest son joel. He is living on his own, well he has room mates, but he is giving it a go by himself. It is good to see him in a good place, mentally and physically. I am tired now and will return. ttfn

Chad came home

My Mom and Mamaw told me many times that when Chad came home from the hospital- I was one of the big sisters. I took one look at him and said "Put him down and see if he can walk". -Wasn't I adorable? Now obviously I don't remember that myself. But it is a favorite story of mine. I love to tell it. It was the beginning of a beautiful relationship of sharing. Did I say sharing? I meant tormenting. LOL!

For Chad

Today I start this blog for and with my brother Chad. He was recently diagnosed with an illness called LBD(Lewy Bodies Dementia). I had never heard of this illness until now. I still don't know what its going to mean to him, to his family, to our family. This is a journey we will all be taking together. I want him to always have a place to go to talk about what is on his mind, to write down memories, to share whatever he wants. This is a scary time and we have to rely on faith, faith in God, faith in family and faith in love.