Fantasy Football

Soooo I've only played Fantasy Football one time, and we are getting ready to play again. The first time was with my husband and daughter. You might say the competition was FIERCE!NOT! It was a lot of fun. I realized long ago that I have a secret competitive nature. I'm sure that will come as a complete shock to those who know and love me. OK maybe not so secret LOL! So I am going to play Fantasy Football with Chad and co. It takes me back to play time when we were kids. None of us like to lose, we never have. When we lost we got mad, we stormed off, we didn't want to play anymore. There was nothing more important than winning. It was exceptionally hard when it was two against one. A game that Misti, Chad and I were too good at. We never really fought one on one. It was Chad and Misti against me, or Chad and Me against Misti, or Misti and me against Chad. We had it down to a fine art. I'm not sure our mom would agree. We spent many a time in the corner, or in our room. It was time to think about what we had done. Sometimes there was blood sometimes not. As I remember those fights and the time we spent bugging each other, I smile. Were we really that crazy, were we really that intense? The answer of course is yes. Now this time, as we play Fantasy Football, I predict there will be no blood. There will be trash talk however and inevitably whoever wins will never let the others forget, but I think we have learned what is really important. You know that old saying, its not whether you win or lose, but how you play the game.

Take the good with the bad

We have to come to the realization that the bad days out weigh the good by.... let's say ALOT!!! Last night i felt on top of the world, sharp as a tack! It felt so good. I could add, subtract, even tell stories of the day. Then, well then i went to bed. And that's all i remember. Lying, slurring shaking on the couch and its all over. The good day that is. Not being able to recall how i got there and falling over in a heap only to have my wife poised to calll 911. My legs were crooked under me and i did not have the strength to straighten them. The pain was intense, i thin k it actually made me regain some awareness, enough to tell her not to make the call. For all of you reading when i tell my stories of these episodes, most of it comes from Cheryl telling me what happend. If you have gotten lost on a trip in a new city or trying to find something, its kinda like that except you never leave your house. The frustration and anxiety, that is in my case is so overwhelming, i want to scream, then i cant. Not that i cant because i dont want to upset anyone, its just cuz i cant. I dont know how all of the sudden. A simple step over a curb becomes a mathmatical nightmare, y X z = i have to figure out which part goes first. Right leg left leg???? The good news is i had a good day. I hope tomorrow is good one..

Happy Halloween!

This was a Halloween a long time ago. I remember bits and pieces. Like I remember thinking Misti's costume was better than mine. I remember standing in front of the hutch and smiling for Mamaw. Her favorite place to take pictures was in front of the hutch. I remember Halloween was a lot different back then. Aren't we cute?

Trips

I cant express the joy i feel when i read Robyns posts of that trip and others. I'll get back to that in a moment. I was sittting on the throne this morning and had a thought. No really i did. When i go to bed at night i usually do not have a problem falling asleep, exhaustion has something to do with it. Anyway, as my thoughts race and my heart thumps in the early morning hours after being awaken from a nightmare not dreams but nightmares. I wonder if my body will respond in a manner that resembles funtional. My thought was this, its like yahtzee. You get to roll the dice to see if you can get an acceptable outcome. Full house, three of a kind, etc. But i hope and pray for the yahtzee, no more shaking, wobbling, slurred speech and so on. I have only had one GOOD day this week, YAHTZEE! Depression unfortunatly is a common thread in every day. I am sure there is a formula for how many times in a game you will roll a Yahtzee. It seems i feel less and less every day, meaning, i know when to laugh, when to cry, but i just feel so sperated from my feelings i cant stand it. Anger is the front runner in my game of Yhatzee. Accepting my outcome of my roll of the dice is a giant hurdle for me. Getting back to the trip to fat mans squeeze, i remember the trip but will deny aggrivating mamaw, NOT, i am sure i was, just a little.

Fat Man's Squeeze is now called what...?

When I was 18 and Chad was 16 we went on vacation with our grandparents, Mamaw and Poppie. It was a 2 week journey from Ohio to Florida with many stops on the way. One such stop was Rock City, atop Lookout Mountain, GA. At the very top was Lover's Leap where you can stand and see 5 different states. I remember it was windy and cold, it was February on top of a mountain. Chad and I made the best of it though. We did recently survive Ruby Caverns where for some reason the tour guide thought we were married because we said we were Chad and Robyn Smith (oooooh nooo HE DIDNT) LOL! It was an interesting place with many different types of rock formations. One such formation was called Fat Man's Squeeze....now they call it the Needle's Eye(politically correct and all that). It was a formation that narrowed as you passed thru it. You kinda had to "squeeze" through at the end. Chad and I both went thru it and tried to get Mamaw to follow. Now at the time Mamaw was a little bit too big to actually fit and soooo it probably wasnt a good idea. Now I cannot remember if she actually tried it or not but the idea was very funny to us. Mamaw would sometimes be a little dramatic about things. In fact when we went out on the famous rope bridge, she was convinced we would plummet to our deaths. Now this idea was silly as the bridge was solid, but Chad never the less found it necessary to jump up and down on the bridge to "prove" it was safe. Maybe to torment Mamaw just a little. I heard a lot of "Oh Bernie" on that trip most of them probably that day.

Today

I have not been up for writing much these days. I have been trying to rest during the day to saved energy for football practice. Let me just say that Coach has been so great! I am not bragging its not my style but i have been giving all i can at practice. I am on this new type of meds for my dementia, Alzheimer's whatever it is. No pun intended but its just giving me more headaches. I feel more tired and un interested in stuff. I know through direction from my wife and everyone that i have to fight depression but its not alone in my every day activities. My Vivid hallucinations are very real and often frightening. I feel something hovering over me, almost like i am being watched. If i stay active i am usually OK, but things jump out at me at times. Cheryl says my dreaming has become more intense like crying and thrashing around. I know i will have good and bad days, so i have to roll with it. I am just happy to have another day, Today.

Memories are like life

There are so many memories racing thru my mind right now. I want to get them all down but that seems impossible. I realize I just need to take it one step at a time. Life is like that. One step at a time. Life like memories is sometimes like a gentle breeze that caresses you check on a cool summer night. You like it, and you want it to keep blowing so things don't get to hot. Then again, sometimes memories, like life, hit you like a tsunami. You never really see it coming and you can't really stop it, you have to roll with it or be sucked under. I have always tried to live by the rule that your attitude is everything. I believe in everything we have a choice. We may not like the choices but it is always there. So, we choose our attitiude. We choose how we are going to start our day. When we were kids, things seemed to be so much simpler. We played cowboys and indians, war, and my personal favorite, house. (even if Misti made me be a boy, lol!) We stayed out after dark to play hide and go seek, (with permission of course Mom). There was freeze tag, Red Light, Green Light, and Red Rover. Everyone knew the rules without actually saying them. One of us was always it, there were no tag backs, and if you got creamed in Red Rover, you just got creamed. Now days you have to watch out that no one gets their feelings hurt or heaven forbid, a boo boo. Lets face it, in a game of Red Rover, someone always gets hurt, lol! Realisticly, life is like that. We are going to get hurt, we are going to fall down, we are going to be "it" because someone can run faster than we can. But if we choose, we can make the best of what we have. We can choose to love, laugh, and play. That way whatever comes our way, the gentle breezes and the tsunamis we will be as ready as we can be.

God never promised us life would be easy, only that we would never be alone.

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UGH!!

Today was another visit to my final and last neurologist. i won't say his name for fear of unecessary hoopla. Anyway, let me just say that i am sure being a doctor and a specialist has got to be a very taxing profession. Most SPECIALSITS, that i have dealt with have a bed side manner of a PIT BULL. Has any one seen Patch Adams???lol. C'mon guys and gals for that matter, if you hate your job, quit. This guy i saw today is suppose to be the premier specialist dealing with my type of illnes. If anyone reading this knows me, you know that i like to joke, cut up, mess around. This guy was having none of it. I respect professionalism, but it is not necessary to look down upon your patients. Or, treat them like cattle. I am so tired of it. And that is all i have to say about that. He confirmed my diagnosis of LBD. He is giving me some tests to help with my treatment options. I was not sure what to expect from appointment today, maybe i expected too much, like the pearly gates of wisdom and information to open up and give us some hope. Actually HOPE is good, sometimes that is all we have. But, if i could, i would reach out to each and every specialist just like Patch Adams did and give them the hope and desire to provide more than just a diagnosis. My dog George makes me smile, i want to be just like him, putting smiles on all of those faces.

Wow!!

Where in the world did you find those pics??? Those are amazing!! I love them. We have learned that my mood swings are far more intense when i am tired. Par for the course. Last night was not a good one. I can't explain the pain, it's all over it's overwhelming at times. I guess i knew it would happen after all of the activity i put myself through last week. Next week will be no different. But i am telling you it is much more better than just sitting around on my duff. I will tell you why. There is this one kid, i have to leave his name out because he is a minor, he has been a friend of T-mans for going on two years, he was sitting in the back of the truck after a practice, and i was complimenting them on their performance and discussing things i think they should work on, and he turned to me and said, "I wish you were my dad." His father is not in the picture. I read somewhere that if you can make a positive difference in just one persons life, than your life has been fulfilled. I feel that i need to make of a difference in more peoples lives, but for now i am overcome with happiness.